Love and Magic; or, A Trip to the Circus
Love and Magic; or, A Trip to the Circus
An early encounter with transgression.
Looking back on my life, I can remember always being exceedingly curious about the unusual, the mysterious, the miraculous. My father constantly spoke about saints and wonder rabbis and the miracles they worked through the power of the Kabbalah and holy names. God himself was a super miracle worker. He said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. The men who served him, from the time of Moses to the Baal Shem Tov and Rabbi Nahman of Bratslav, were all men of magic. According to legend, those who opposed God could work magic, too—Satan, Asmodeus, Lilith, all the evil hosts of demons, devils, sorcerers, as well as the builders of the Tower of Babel and the rulers of Sodom and Gomorrah.
Since my older brother Joshua tried to deny or ridicule these alleged miracles in his debates with my parents, I looked for evidence that my parents were the ones who were right, and not my skeptical brother. Every few days, magicians used to come to our courtyard on Krochmalna Street, and I had a chance to witness various feats of wonder. I watched them eat fire, swallow knives, stretch across boards of nails with their naked backs. A girl with flaxen blond hair, cut short like a boy’s, rolled a barrel with the soles of her feet and balanced a full glass of water on a spinning wheel. My father warned me not to watch these shows, which surely contained elements of witchcraft and deception. Nevertheless, I followed these magicians from courtyard to courtyard, often giving them the groschen that I got from my mother every morning before going to heder. I fantasized about becoming a magician myself. I imagined that I had found a cap which could make me invisible and a pair of seven-league boots. I discovered a potion that made me as wise as King Solomon and as strong as Samson. Elijah would visit me at night and take me in his fiery chariot, pulled by fiery horses, to the mansions of Heaven, where I would meet God, angels, seraphim, the Messiah. On the way, we would stop in Sodom, where I could see Lot’s wife, who became a pillar of salt. I also had the opportunity to enter Asmodeus’ palace on Mount Seir, where the king of the netherworld sat on his throne, his black beard touching the floor, a crown of onyx stones behind his horns. Naked she-demons stood in a circle, singing blasphemous and profane songs to him.